areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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