If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
