me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
