I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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