it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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