There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
