Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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