If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
