Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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