Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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