Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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