I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
