woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
