is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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