So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
