Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize