i may or may not be watching the land before time
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
