i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize