my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
