Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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