the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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