Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
