I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
