i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
