she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
