Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
