you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
