shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
