i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
