I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
