How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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