So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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