i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
