No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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