He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
