Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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