I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
