I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
