last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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