It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
