Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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