The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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