it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
