Do you still have your period?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
