i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
