shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
