Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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