This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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