Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
love makes seman taste better
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
