did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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