I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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