why didn't you poke me back
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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