apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
