We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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