I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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