Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
