honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
