mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
