'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Randomize
