AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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