fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
