please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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