hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
