Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
