Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(661): View more from California

I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.

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(858): View more from California

I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads

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(808): View more from Hawaii

guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina

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(440): View more from Ohio

One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm

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(862): View more from New Jersey

found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates

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(618): View more from Illinois

you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.

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