He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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