last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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