Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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