I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
