Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
