"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
