Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
