My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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