I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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