I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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