so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I am available for nakedness
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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