I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
