I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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