so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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