I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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