I have demons in me.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
